So, what have we been doing the past month?  In a nutshell?  What life-shattering events have kept me so rivited and busy that I couldn’t find five minutes to update???  Well, finishing up summer, I guess …..  getting ready for school to begin, which entails back to school shopping for clothes and shoes and school supplies and lunchboxes and all the other various and sundry crap that goes along with that.  Taking every single kid to the dentist and doctor and orthodontist and getting sports physicals and why, oh why, did we wait until the end of summer to do that?  I quit my job.  Blaine’s cancer is back (notice how I oh-so-casually slipped that in?) I let my cleaning ladies go (insert small, pathetic tear here) so I’ve been doing more of the house-wifery stuff again.  I’ve been reading like a crazy person, and have been faithful about my walking program.  Around 15 miles a week.  At least until three days ago, when I just quit.  Funny how it takes so long to get in the habit of exercise, and it takes about 12 hours to get OUT of the habit.  Clearly I forgot to stand in line when God was passing out “endorphins” ……   Kellen and Kendrie are both starting soccer again … Kellen starts Monday, Kendrie began two weeks ago.  Back to school orientations, schedule pick ups, that sort of thing.   Kellen is also running cross country.  Brayden started high school and was elected one of the freshman homeroom student council representatives, which I think will be fun for her.  Also fun for her is the open campus lunch that our high schoolers have ….. although it hasn’t taken her long at all to figure out she can bring lunch from home, or walk home and eat, and save herself a bit of the lunch money we give her each week.  I’m curious to see where the balance falls …. the fun of going out with friends vs. the luxury of extra spending money for other things.  We’ll see.

I’m taking photos of fall sports at our school, which is busy, hectic, stressful, totally fun , all of those things. Volleyball, softball, football, and cross country so far.  I love the kids at our school and the fact I can be involved in this way.  Not to mention its a great opportunity for me to get primo pictures of my own kids.  Which is how I’ll end this “hey, its time for me to blog again but I really have nothing worthwhile to say, so let’s just get started with a bunch of random nonsense!” entry ……  photos of Kellen from today, in his first-ever cross country meet.

“Kellen, getting some pre-race
advice from one of our cross-country dads. Hey, kid, here’s some advice …. eat
a darn cheeseburger! And put some bacon on it!! You turn sideways and you almost
disappear!”

“SO proud of these kids who medaled
at the cross country meet this morning in Guthrie. Actually, proud of every
single kid there … not one of them quit, or crossed the finish line in tears,
like I probably would have done. According to Kellen, the only negative thing
about the entire day? How incredibly stinking short the cross country shorts
are! Very, extremely, *not* cool!!”

*****************************************************

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a b*tch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just
saying…
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2011,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some
Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece
of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

“Death is aways a life-changing experience.”

Yeeeeaaaaaah.  Let that sink in for a minute.

Or the time I was at one of Kellen’s baseball games and I almost knocked myself out with the flab on my upper arm, also embarrassing …..

Or what about the time I thought I was all that and a bag of chips, and wound up almost drowning at a different baseball game …… the embarassment continues …..

Well clearly the trend is not stopping anytime soon, since at tonight’s basketball game, while I was down on the court in front of all the players and coaches and parents, taking pictures, I took off my sweatshirt, and apparently walked around for twenty minutes with a fabric softener sheet stuck to the back of my t-back.

That’s classy.

At least everyone knows my clothes are clean.

And snuggly fresh.

And hey, at least this embarrassing moment didn’t involve any actual personal harm or injury.

Whatever.

He called me today to tell me he got a form letter from one office, detailing their explanation of services, and it discussed helping him with his “gun care”. 

Gun care? 

Hmmm.  Unless the oral surgeon removes teeth by whacking them at the root with the barrel of a Colt 47, I’m pretty sure that was a typo, and should have been “gum care.”   But it wasn’t a simple typo, it was in a form letter that has most likely gone out to many patients.  So, a typo, AND not proofread.

And I was snickering to myself about how **I** wouldn’t make a stupid mistake like that, and thank goodness **I** pay more attention to detail. 

Then, do you know what happened tonight?  SOMEBODY was taking Kendrie to her end-of-the-season-soccer-party, and SOMEBODY thought that she’d be polite and give a small thank-you gift to the coach, and so SOMEBODY purchased a gift card to a local family owned pizza parlor, so the coach and his family could enjoy a nice meal out …………  only for Kendrie to remind SOMEBODY that her coach is actually a manager of a Cici’s Pizza, the competition  ….

Now, who, exactly, doesn’t pay attention to details around here????

::glances about sheepishly::

Kellen did have two friends spend the night last night.  I threw Pringles, Oreos, and English Muffin Pizzas at them and called it a day.  Yet another notch in my Mother of the Year crown.

He also has his first basketball game of the season on Monday night.  After the debacle that was football season, I’ll admit I was a little more stressed out than he was about making the 7th grade school basketball team.  Forty-three boys tried out for 15 positions, plus 5 back-up boys.  So after two weeks of practices, over half the boys who had gone out for the team were cut, and told to find another class first hour.  It actually made me nauseous, because we’ve been on the other end of that cut and it hurts, to be honest.  So I felt bad for those boys and their parents.  And, a little perplexed.  This “small school” that I attended my entire life, to be frank, is not so small anymore.  In fact, its doubled in size since I went there.  Still “small” by public school standards, but big enough now that not every kid who goes out for a team or a club gets to participate. 

I’m not sure how I feel about that, although Blaine tells me I need to get a grip.

Speaking of participating, Brayden is still cheering and will be “suiting up” for the same game Monday night.  Again, things are done differently now.  When I was in middle school (or excuse me, Junior High, as we called it) girls tried out for cheerleader.  It was an extra-curricular activity, and practices were after school or evenings, and parents paid for everything.  Now, in our middle school, it is a class.  Any girl (or boy, I suppose, as well) can sign up and take the class.  Then, because there are only 15 cheer-leading uniforms, the teacher selects who gets to cheer each game based on a number of factors …. participation in class, if there is a uniform your size, etc.   The school provides all the uniforms and as a parent, I am required to put ZERO into this activity.  No time, money, nada.  We’re not even allowed to drive the girls and let them cheer at away games …… they just don’t.  Home games only, and only if the sponsor selects you.  Again, different.   I don’t know that one way is better than the other ….. just different.

I hate change.

I also hate drama.  Its so difficult as a parent to see one of your children surrounded by drama, and want to help them, when they don’t want your help.  To want to point out ways it could be avoided, and ways to end it  ….. and it pains me to have to admit, deep down, that it is very likely something your own child (meaning MY own child) isn’t an innocent bystander in.   Its a hard, hard balance to figure out how much of it might be your child’s own fault, and how much of it isn’t.  To wonder why your child seems to attract it, time and again.  To worry that they’re the kind of personality that actually seeks it out.   To wonder how much of it is your kid’s fault …. or not, because of course they constantly swear that it isn’t.  And tell you every rotten thing that is said or done to them, making sure you understand that THEY are the injured party, yet no, do NOT try to give any advise whatsoever.   Or to wonder if all middle-school kids go through a “drama” kind of phase and it will end eventually.  I despise drama and conflict, and avoid it at all costs.  So my child should too, right?  Except I’m an adult and its much easier for me to see the big picture.  Difficult parenting moments, for sure.

I am still working.  In fact, last week was my final week of covering for the receptionist’s six weeks of maternity leave.  My boss and I had our sit-down, what-do-you-want-to-do-and-how-do-you-see-this-continuing talk.  She said I was welcome to stay, and I said I would like to stay, but maybe not three days a week.  So we compromised on a two, or two and one half days a week position, taking over their medical records department.  The current girl doing medical records has been doing that in addition to her regular job, so its pretty much a win-win for everyone involved, and she’ll start training me this Monday.  After working for six weeks, I totally understand how those moms who work enjoy it.  Its nice to get up, get dressed in something besides yoga pants, and go spend several hours with people who aren’t constantly yammering at you to pack “good stuff” in their lunch, or did you wash their basketball jersey, or mom, I forgot, I’m supposed to take a life-size replica of the Taj Mahal made out of popsicle sticks and silver glitter to school tomorrow morning. 

This office is awesome.  My co-workers are nice (except one, but of course there is always ONE, isn’t there?)  I have a great relationship with my boss and with the doctor.  Drug reps bring us lunch and dinner almost every day, and it’s what I went to college for …. medical secretarial studies.  I enjoy it.

But I also enjoy, REALLY enjoy, being a stay at home mom.  A super-involved, activities-and-errands-and-volunteer-and-hobby kind of stay at home mom, and I wasn’t willing to give any part of that up.  Which meant three days a week was just a little too much for me to squeeze in.  I think two days a week will be an ideal balance, allowing me some “grown up” time, and time for what is most important to me, parenting.

Speaking of parenting, nothing ruins a playdate like forced family photos.  I dragged Kendrie and her best friend Katrina out for pictures the other night, to celebrate Kendrie turning 11.  Even though that happened two and a half months ago ………. whatever.  So me and my cherry-red exploding lips will leave you with a few photos ….. have a great weekend.

The month began with Kendrie and I attending a 3-day Outdoor Adventure Camp that the 5th graders at her school get to attend every year.  The weather was perfect, my co-counselor and I had eight lovely girls in our cabin who caused us not one moment’s grief, and the entire event was a huge success.  Except for the fishing activity, when Kendrie was the ONLY girl in her cabin not to catch a single fish.   And the canoeing activity, when three of our canoes managed to tip over.  Never mind in the seven years our school has been attending this camp, they’ve never tipped a single canoe, we managed to tip three in forty-five minutes  — and two of those had adults in them at the time, so I’m still not quite sure how that happened.

Lots of hiking (which equals lots of sweating for out-of-shape parents like me, in case you were wondering) and pretty scenery.  How can you go wrong?

Oh, wait.  I know.  You could be a middle-aged, uncoordinated mom who falls down a sloping downhill mountain trail in the middle of a hike.  On the way down, I didn’t know whether to be more worried about the knee I could feel practically dislocating as I fell, or the camera around my neck.  Luckily, my butt hit the ground nano-seconds before my knee gave out, and the camera suffered no serious injury, either.  We couldn’t say the same for my pride, but in the long run, not a big deal.  And perhaps even an amusing sight to those around me.

Then, after all the archery, rifle shooting, astronomy, fishing, canoeing, campfires, skits, and a game that went hilariously wrong and ended up with the entire fifth grade chasing Kendrie and one of her best friends while they ran frantically away, which I know doesn’t sound that funny on paper, but believe me, you JUST HAD TO BE THERE IT WAS HYSTERICAL, after all that, I think the kids favorite memory will be learning this goofy song and dance that they practiced all weekend. 

The next weekend saw me in Memphis with the greatest girlfriends ever for our annual scrapbook weekend getaway.  Which this year involved much less scrapbooking, and much more (25 hour marathon, to be correct) Glee television watching.  And of course a visit to Beale Street …. and although I have more pictures from that, I think we need to adopt the Vegas philosophy of “What happens on Beale Street …….”

Then, it was Fall Break and our annual trek to the Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine, TX.  I’d show you those photos, but in every one there is a swim-suit wearing pre-teen, and since many of the kids don’t belong to me, I think for privacy sake you’ll just have to take my word that it was a great weekend, and we came home water-logged and happy.

In the midst of these trips, soccer season got into full swing for Kendrie.  She changed leagues this season and is playing co-ed, ages 10-12 for our church.  Its really a great fit for her.  She enjoys playing with both boys and girls, and although there are only four teams in the league, the skill level of each team, by luck of the draw, I think, is very evenly matched.  So the games are enjoyable to watch and not a blow-out on either end.  Only one game left this season, but I’m already putting it in the “success” column for her as far as extra-curricular experiences go.

Speaking of extra-cirricular activities, Brayden decided to give cheer a try this year.  Things went well, but I have no idea if she’ll do it again once basketball season is over.  Some days she loves it, some days its the worst torture on the planet OMGGGGGG.  Then again, she’s 13, and that pretty much sums up her attitude about life in general.

This was the hardest pill for me to swallow this fall — Kellen deciding that meh, football really wasn’t all that.  I won’t go into great detail because it will make me sound like one of THOSE parents, but it just wasn’t working for him.  So he asked the coaches if he could ditch the helmet and pads and be a team manager.  So he lugged equipment and water all season for the rest of the 7th graders and was perfectly content to do so.  And I, in the meantime, learned the valuable life lesson that what *I* want for my children is not always what *they* want, and that’s ok.

I also did my first-ever “real” Senior Shoot.  I say real because I did one last year, but it was last minute for a young man who SO did not want his picture taken and was only doing it because his mom was making him.  Literally.  Maybe even withholding his car until it was done.  And although he was a very good sport about it, this was a different experience entirely …. a senior girl who was excited to get her photos taken, and had ideas about what she wanted, and willingly posed, over the course of two-sessions, for around four hours, and 400 photos.  Thanks, Micah, it was fun!

And lets see, in between, we also had Book Character Day at school.  I present Samuel from The Woods Runner, and Count Dracula, for your viewing pleasure.

We had The 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s Review Choir Concert.  See Kellen?  In the middle, in the leather jacket?  That was perhaps a wee bit more 50′s, but we were going for Rock and Roll, in general.

This picture, in particular,  cracks me up.  During the guitar solo of Bohemian Rhapsody, the kids were supposed to whip their hair around (Hairography, anyone?) … the 7th graders did a pretty good job, but Brayden, the hippie on the back row, a much older and more sophisticated 8th grader, is clearly not so sure.  And from the looks of things, neither are most of the boys.

Except for the young man next to Kellen, who did a great job of rocking out the Brett Michaels wig, which my son was CLEARLY enamored with and amused by.

Oh, and in between all this, I attended 932 football games, and took 3437247389293847 football photos.  That is not an exaggeration.  Not one little bit.  Then spent 234745234743985982374039828974039850475 hours on the computer editing them.  And while I loved every single second of it, if I’m being honest, I was not sad to see middle school football come to an end, just so I could emerge from my computer room and re-acquaint myself with the other people who live in this house.  I think they are called …. my “family” …. ????  

This is my favorite photo of all season, I thought I would share:

Of course, the month ended with Halloweeen, where we had a Thing One:

A Super-Spy Ninja, because didn’t you know, being a plain and simple Ninja is obviously not Ninja-ish enough for my boy.  I can’t decide if he looks like a Ninja, or someone about to knock over a 7-11.

And our Snow White, brought down by the apple.  I’m pretty sure I know who she considers to be the Evil Queen around here …. but again, that’s teenage hormones for you, isn’t it?

Oh, and did I mention that in the middle of all this, in my SPARE time, I got a job?  That’s right, because in between all that we already had going on, I thought I needed something else to fill up my days. 

Kidding …. its actually going quite well and I like it.  I’m filling in for a receptionist on maternity leave at the family practice office where I used to work.  Three days a week and I go in after I take the kids to school, and leave in time to pick them up.  So really, where am I ever going to find another job that works that well for my schedule?  Not sure what will happen when the six weeks are up ….. when my old boss contacted me about the position, we agreed to re-evaluate at the end and talk about making it a permanent position …. if it works out, great.  But if it doesn’t, that’s ok, too.  Honestly, I have never understood those women who say, “I was so bored while my kids were at school all day I had to get a job to have something to do.” 

Really?  I don’t know, maybe I spend (ok, PROBABLY I spend) too much time online, but even without that, I’m perfectly able to fill my days with volunteer work, errands, hobbies, etc.  So to give up three days a week has been quite an adjustment, I’ll admit.  And I won’t be devastated if the job doesn’t pan out long-term.  But it’s a nice office with pleasant co-workers and a job I enjoy doing … so if it does work out, that’s fine too.

And there you have my very large, photographic nutshell, of the month of October. 

OK, tired now, off to slave over a hot breakfast (ie, crack open a box of donuts) for the girls who “slumbered” here last night.  Although I’m not sure how much slumbering was done, considering we didn’t get back from TP’ing until after 2 am.

(yawn)

I had an exciting moment yesterday.  If you don’t count the parents who have paid me for taking their kids’ sports photos, or the money I made a few weeks ago taking pictures for a local landscaping company ….. if you don’t count those things  ….. yesterday I received my first real paycheck in over 14 years.  I was pretty excited until I remembered about that little thing called taxes.

I am helping out at my old place of employment, a family practitioner’s office, while one of their receptionists is on maternity leave. Part-time, and fun, but definitely cutting into the hours during the day when I’m accustomed to getting things done.  Add to that the golf tournament last week, Outdoor Adventure Camp last week, the two THOUSAND football photos I took during the four games Monday and Tuesday evening (I am not even joking … the person that invented 8 gb memory card is either my friend, or my worst enemy) and the fact I’m leaving for my annual girlfriend-scrapbooking retreat, taking place this year in Memphis …. in about two hours and egads I’m not even finished packing yet ….. well, now you understand why the blog hasn’t been updated.  Hopefully as I become better at time management I’ll get back in the blogging mode.  And back in the “cooking dinner for my family” mode.  Because in the last ten days do you know how many times I’ve fixed dinner?   If you don’t count stopping on the way home for pizza or KFC, the answer is zero.  I think I need to reintroduce myself to the crockpot.

Anyway, all this whining about my busy busy busy life to tell you I’m on my way out of town.  Depending on how drunk I am all weekend our weekend goes, I might be able to update from my girlfriend’s house.  You know, if anything exciting happens.   If you take into account my girlfriend Erin, driving up to Memphis from Florida, hit a deer in her rental car last night, I’d say the weekend’s off to a pretty eventful start already.

In the meantime, I’ll be editing photos to share later.  Cheerleading, camp, football, homecoming, and soccer.  Plus I was asked to photograph a golf tournament last week, and actually got paid (exclamation marks!!!) to take photos of a local college for the landscaping company that maintains their property.  So in the past two weeks, I estimate I’ve taken well over three thousand photos.  Digitally, thank goodness.  Because in the olden days, that would be almost 125 rolls of film to purchase, and pay to develop.  Can you even imagine???  Of course, sitting in my computer chair for how long it will take to edit 3000 photos ….. I’ll need a butt transplant when I’m done, which will most likely cost more than the film and processing would have.

Ahhhhh, I’m breathing easier already::

Silver Linings

First thing today:  When I pulled into the Best Buy parking lot, to purchase the Glee Season One Volume Two DVD, and put my salad-to-go container, lid *naturally* not secured, on the seat next to me.  Then proceeded to drop my cell phone on the corner of the container, and watched in slow motion as the container flipped end over end all over the passenger side of my van, scattering thousands (well, it LOOKED like thousands!) of pieces of lettuce and cheese and carrots and tomato and bacon bits all over my recently-detailed van.  It was like Farmer McGregor threw up on the floorboard.  Silver Lining?  At least I had ordered the salad with no dressing, so while messy, it was a dry mess and easily vacuumed.

Second thing today:  After lamenting the loss of my salad, I went into Best Buy only to discover the the Glee Season One Volume Two DVD, which just went on sale yesterday, was already sold out.  My only option was to purchase the entire season DVD, and basically re-purchase the first set of episodes, which we already own.  Silver Lining?  Well, with the Best Buy rewards certificates that I had, purchasing the entire season cost less than purchasing just the second half.  So we have duplicates, in case any of the DVDs go wonky, and it was cheaper.

Third thing today:  Going to the counter at Best Buy to purchase the DVD, only to discover it wasn’t my cell phone I dropped on the salad container, it was my wallet.  Which contained all my money and credit cards.  And was still lying on the floorboard of my car, covered in romaine.  Silver Lining?  At least klutzy things happen in threes, so the rest of the day should be smooth sailing!

Well, I thought that, until supper time, anyway, when the potholder slipped on the ginormous pot of spaghetti noodles I was draining in the sink, and the lid bounced off, and all the noodles fell out of the pot, and into the sink, and down the garbage disposal. 

Pizza for dinner, anyone?