Well, the beginning of June our local renter let us know he would be moving out at the end of the month.  I was quite sad about it, actually.  He only lived there a year and a half, but he was an awesome renter.  Never late with the payment, didn’t trash the place, always polite when he would call with a question or problem, and appreciative when we would fix things as quickly as possible.  Blaine and I don’t ask for a lot from our renters …. mainly, pay the rent, preferably on time …. don’t burn the place down or trash it beyond repair ….. and, finally, don’t move out, leaving so the place so freaking infested with cockroaches that the exterminator has to tell you when he comes to bomb the place for the fifth time in one month that no, no, that’s not dirt on the walls and floor and ceilings, it’s actually cockroach shit.  So much cockroach shit you can SEE IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES.

Wait.  Did I not tell you guys about that?  About how when our first renter moved out, Blaine forbid me from going into the house until we got it dis-infested, because he said, and I quote …. “Kristie, if you go over there and open the front door, you will have a heart attack.  And you will fall down dead on the floor.  And the millions of roaches in that house will pick up your body and carry you away ……”

So, yeah. *THAT* wasn’t a pleasant experience, getting that place all cleaned up again.  Because you can about imagine what condition the rest of the house was in.  I vaguely remember that I did NOT blog about it, because she had kids that went to school with my kids, and I have local friends who read this blog (or at least I used to ……) and I didn’t want anyone to put two and two together.  Now, she’s moved away, her kids are gone too, and her disgusting, filthy, nasty living habits, and the subsequent SUCK she left us with, is fair game for sharing.

Needless to say, having a renter who paid on time (did I mention she was six months behind in her rent when she moved out as well?) and took care of the property was like having Christmas every month.  Blaine and I were thrilled.  We were, understandably, sad to find out he got a job opportunity in another town and that we’d have to find new renters all over again.  These new renters move in Aug 1st, and we’re crossing our fingers that they are as wonderful as he was.  Or at the very least, that they fall more on the end of the spectrum he did, than our first Renter-From-Hell did.

But of course, even the best of renters actually LIVE in the house, so there is work to be done in between.  We decided to bite the bullet and have the property re-sided, since it was time.  Beyond time, if you looked closely at all.  And we called an electrician to have an outlet placed on the front of the house.  There were no electrical outlets outside …. at all.  Doesn’t that seem odd?  I’ve been over there this month to trim the hedges and bushes, and had to plug the electric trimmer into a plug in the living room and drag the cord outside.  Not exactly classy, but it got the job done.  But it seemed much more convenient to have an outside plug, so we paid to put one in.

Then, after the siding was complete, those guys told us an bunch of wires were loose on the back of the house, coming from the utility room.  So, we called the electrician again.  And paid his bill …. again ….

Then we had to get the front door replaced, which Blaine probably could have done himself, except the frame and casing had to be replaced, and the thresh-hold had broken, so the entire thing had to be rebuilt …..

And the renter had used his own stove, and then took his stove with him, so we had to buy one and have it delivered …..

And the carpet in the master bedroom was disgusting, so we had new carpet put in ……

And when Blaine went to patch up the nail holes, we realized that to make things look decent, we really should throw up another coat of paint …. on every room in the house ….. so that’s what I’ll be doing this week ….

And an interior arched door in the living room is buckling near the top, so I guess we’ll need to call someone to have that shored up, but I don’t even know who you call for that sort of thing ……

Remind me, again, why I thought being a landlord would be fun???  And a great investment?  Because so far, I think we’ve spent every dime of profit we’ve made this year …..and then some.  But you know what?  As long as its not being spent cleaning up cockroach excrement, I’m not complaining.

To be honest, you know what I like best about re-capping our vacation here on this blog?  Not only does it give me an excuse to go back through the 2000+ (no lie) photos that I took, and re-live the happy memories, but this way, when I *finally* get organized in four or six or (ahem) twelve months, and get ready to do a vacation scrapbook, all my journaling is already done.  Copy …. paste …. viola!

So even though its probably more boring than watching paint dry for those of you who don’t care about us, or the beach, or our friends, or …. hey, wait.  If you don’t care about any of that, why are you still reading???  (ha!)

We spent our first full day in Sandbridge just hanging out and getting oriented.  All of the families had spent the previous day (and some, the previous two days) driving to the east coast, so it was nice to wake up and know we didn’t have to be anywhere, at any certain time. The house we rented had a pool, but of course the big draw of the vacation was the ocean.

Unless you are Kendrie, and decide the very first day that you don’t like going to the beach because it leaves sand in every crack and crevice of your body and quite frankly, she found that to be more than a bit unpleasant.  I guess that’s the thing about growing up and playing in lakes, instead of the ocean.  Lake water is not salty, and does not leave you sticky or gritty.  Granted, you have to watch for snakes the whole time and make sure not to step on any beer bottles …… vs. stepping on jelly fish …. I guess everything in life has its ups and down.

Considering getting in:

Thinking …. thinking ….. um, no.  I’ll just stand here on the board and pretend like I’m surfing:

Kendrie:  “Yeah, I think I’ll just sit here the entire time and complain about how much I don’t like it.”

Kristie:   “You listen to me …. we’ve got six more days here at the beach and you are going to get in that water and you are going to boogie board and body surf and you are going to LIKE IT!”

Brayden was very clearly asserting her independence as one of the oldest kids there, and made clear her desire NOT to pose for pictures …. or spend time on the beach with me ….. or acknowledge my existence in any way possible.   She and the other “older” kids quickly hit it off, and got along great the entire week, so I was content to let her go and do her “thing” for much of the time.  And by “thing”, I mean “pretending she didn’t have a mother”, at least until we went shopping and she needed money.

Kellen wound up being the child who never wanted to leave the water.  To say he was in his element, with five or six other boys near his age, who loved the water and sand as much as he did … would be an understatement.  I was starting to think we could just leave him there overnight, tethered to a beach umbrella, and he’d be perfectly happy.

First full day at the beach, all 17 kids.  Notice at this point in the vacation no one is crying, angry, sunburned, or throwing a tantrum?  Actually, now that I think about it …. even by the end of the vacation, no one was crying, angry, sunburned, or throwing a tantrum.  Not even the moms.  I’d say that’s the sign of a pretty darn good “family” vacation.

I am so blessed to have the friends I have, and that my friends have the great kids they have, and am sad only about the fact we live so far away from one another.  Its really unfortunate when you only see your best friends once or twice a year.  (insert frowny face ….)

I put “inland” because technically, this isn’t vacation day number one, since vacation day number one was spent flying to the east coast.  However, we only spent one day at our friends house before driving to the beach the next day …so in a way, that was vacation day number one since it was our first day at the beach.  Or maybe the next day was vacation day one since it was our first FULL day at the beach.

Clearly I have no idea when our vacation started.

My friend Kim and I anticipated a quiet, calm, relaxing day where the kids could catch up, get re-aquainted, visit, hang out, chill — just RELAX.  That lasted about two hours.  We have eight kids between us, what was I thinking?   Although if Kellen had his way, he would never leave their game room, where the computer and Pac-Man game are located.   After a late breakfast (homemade chocolate chip banana bread … YUM!) and the requisite oohing and aahing over their adorable baby niece who was also visiting, we decided to take the kids out for a while.  We went to Costco to stock up on snacks for the beach trip, and then bought gas, whereby I made a total idiot of myself by not being able to  to find the lever to open the little door to the gas pump on my rental car.   Kim walked over and found it in about three seconds.  I blame vacation stress for my lack of brain cells.

Then we took the kids to a local skating/arcade/laser tag place.  Where we were …. literally …. the only people there.  Us, and three teenage workers.  Who hated my children because Kellen and Kendrie both had to try on three pair of roller blades until they found a pair that fit properly, had strings long enough to tie, and didn’t have loose wheels.  And even then, Kellen’s rubbed two blisters on his ankles that he sported the rest of the week.   At one point during the afternoon they played a dance-along type song (think … Chicken Dance …. but different….. along the tune of “McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut” …. quite catchy, actually) and all three workers were out on the floor, doing the dance, encouraging the kids to dance, too ….. while all of our children stood on the sides and stared at them.

Awkward.

Overall, though, it was great fun.  Of course, if you ask my children, the highlight of the entire day was stopping afterwards for an icy.  Why do I even bother taking them on vacation?  We could just hang out every day at 7-11 and they would be perfectly happy.

“Is he proposing, or just dragging her down with him when he falls???”

I know I said between us we have eight kids, and there are only seven in this photo, but Kim has one still young enough to nap.  I know, I can’t even remember that phase of my life.  Of course, considering Kendrie is my youngest, and she quit napping at 18 months, I guess its been so long I *shouldn’t* remember.

Shock.  Because Oh my Holy Stars, is that Kendrie?  IN A DRESS?????????????????

With leggings and neon colors and oh my word, is that a ponytail in her hair????

Are you kidding me????

Awwwwwwwwwww.

Yep, that is Kendrie, indeed, in a dress.  Specifically, for VBS 2011, “Kicking it Old School”, where each grade was assigned a decade and the kids dressed up on the final day.  Hopefully it is obvious that Kendrie, and the other outgoing 5th graders, were assigned the 1980′s.

Which, goes without saying, is MY decade.  Every day her group had an 80′s quiz and every day she would come home and ask me the questions.  Perhaps I am a wee bit prideful, but I experienced great happiness in knowing every single answer.

Kendrie:  “What hairstyle was popular for boys in the 80′s?”

Me:  “Rat-tail!!”

Kendrie:  “Who were the two most popular singers in the 80′s?”

Me:  “Michael Jackson and Madonna, in that order!!”

Kendrie:  “There was a popular style of wat —-”

Me, interrupting:  “SWATCH!!!”

Kendrie:  “Mom.  Would you please let me finish the questions before screaming out your answers?”

As mid-high students, Brayden and Kellen were able to attend VBS as well, as helpers for the younger grades.  Except Brayden’s group leader was unable to attend and she was actually in charge of her entire first grade class for a few days.  Glad she was up to the challenge.  I don’t think at age 14 I would have been willing, or able, to manage a group of 6 and 7 year olds with no adult help.  Not without duct tape and handcuffs, anyway.

Can you guess what decade they each had?

And no, that is not a cigarette in Kellen’s mouth.  Apparently there was a well-stocked hospitality room for workers, complete with suckers, that Kellen availed himself of on a regular basis with no shame whatsoever.

Summer, 2001.

Summer, 2011.

I’m too busy being sad about how quickly he’s growing up to even be happy about the fact he can mow the lawn now. In fact, *wants* to mow the lawn now.  Every day.  And when we say no, it doesn’t need it every day, he asks if he can just ride the mower over to his friend Zack’s house to play.

1.  The local park where I like to walk was the site of our community’s annual 4th of July celebration yesterday, as it has been every year since I was in high school.

2.  Kudos to the city maintenance employees (I assume) who got the place cleaned up so quickly afterwards.  A rough estimate is that there were over 8,297 people attending the festival, concert, car show, and fireworks celebration (I totally just made that number up, but I would guess its about right) and I was impressed to return this evening, less than 24 hours later, and see the park cleaned, with very little evidence of trash.

3.  Except the port o’ potties are a wee bit past their prime, as evidenced by the wrinkling of my dainty, fairy princess-like nose.

4.  Also, don’t bother getting excited when you pull up and see that there is still a funnel cake booth in the park; it will be sadly empty and forlorn, and you will have no opportunity to purchase a funnel cake like you thought for one brief, glorious, exhilarating moment.  (I am a moron.)

5.  Two laps around this local park equals three miles, which is just about perfect for me and the distance I like to walk.

6.  It allows me enough time to enjoy some itunes, work up a sweat (especially on a day like today, where the temperature at 8 pm was still 100 degrees) and turn off my brain for forty five minutes or so.

7.  Unfortunately, the headphones, in my ears, which are also attached to the ipod, playing the itunes, mean I don’t hear as well as I probably should.  (I am a moron.)

8.  Especially when my van “clicker” (automatic door opener) falls out of my pocket at some point on my walk and because I am rocking out to Pink, I don’t hear it hit the sidewalk.  (I am a moron.)

9. But there is no reason to panic as you finish your first lap and realize the clicker is no longer in your pocket.  Just do another lap, which you were planning to do anyway, and look for it.  I mean, its a van door clicker.  Just how far could it have bounced?

10. Apparently pretty far, since you (and by you, I mean ME) walked all the way around the park again, and never saw the damn thing.

11.  Did a fucking SQUIRREL take it, for the love of Pete???

12.  At this point, you must re-evaluate your options.  You have already done your three miles.  You could go around again, and continue looking, but odds are low it will suddenly appear.  Clearly it has been stolen (I am a moron.)  Your purse, with your car keys and cell phone in it, is locked in the van.  You could ask one of the other runners/walkers to borrow a cell phone, except now that you’ve already walked once around, never making eye contact with anyone and being all shifty-eyes on the sidewalk, looking for the stupid clicker, means everyone else at the park thinks you’re sketchy.  If you start approaching people, asking to borrow a phone, they might assume you are panhandling.  And let’s be honest …. its starting to get dark.  Although my town is relatively sleepy and small and safe, I don’t particularly want to be walking out at night, soliciting a cell phone, in the dark, from strangers.  (Because I am a moron.)

13.  Decide to walk up the street to the local fire department and ask to use their phone.  Yes, of course I feel silly and embarrassed, but it seems the best option.  I will borrow their phone, and call Blaine to come get me and my van, and while I am waiting I will exchange light-hearted anecdotes with the firefighters about my dad, who worked over twenty years as a fire-fighter at the exact same station in the 60′s, 70′s, and 80′s.

14.  Knock sheepisly at the front door of the fire station.

15.  Wait.

16.  Knock a little less sheepishly.

17.  Wait.

18.  Where the hell are all the fire fighters?  Knock again, fairly vigorously this time.

19.  Ok, seriously.  What if I was having a heart attack?  Don’t they have a fucking DOORBELL for goodness’ sake?  WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING THE DOOR?!?!?

20.  After a solid five minutes of knocking, just give the hell up and examine options again.

21.  Could walk BACK to the park, where it is now darker, and ask to borrow a cell phone.

22.  Or, could just walk the additional mile and a half home, and consider it an extra good workout.

23.  Start walking.

24.  Mumble under your breath, very aggravated, the entire way.  What is wrong with people?  Obviously someone found my clicker and picked it up, why would they take it?  OMG, is someone stealing my van?!?!  Why the HELL didn’t the fire department answer their door?   Except for the fact my frustration is fueling my metabolism and I’m sweating like a hooker in church, this entire evening is a FAIL.  Although in all honesty, its the best workout I’ve had in ages.  Because walking while you are cranky means you are burning some serious calories.

25.  Arrive home just before dark and get Blaine to return you to park.

26.  Gripe the entire way about how clearly someone picked up the clicker, and the firefighters, and I’m all sweaty and gross (now I remember why I don’t like to exercise) and this evening is SO not working out like I had planned ….. (because I am a moron)

27.  Pull up next to the van, and watch as a lovely Mexican man approaches with my clicker in hand.  He then explains, in his very rudimentary English, that his wife, walking behind me, saw me drop it, picked it up, and tried to catch up to me, but couldn’t.  (I do walk pretty fast, I have to say.  And those headphones means I couldn’t hear her try to get my attention.  Because I am a moron.)  So then they walked around the parking lot, hitting the unlock button, until they figured out which car it belonged to.  And then they sat there and waited on me to return so they could give the clicker  back to me.  The whole time I was griping about the firefighters, and griping about having to walk home, and griping about how my preference is three miles and now I’ve gone ALMOST FIVE, AND THAT’S JUST NOT RIGHT!!!!  this sweet couple was sitting there waiting to do me a huge favor.

28.  Realize I am not a moron, but a grade-A, total and complete, Jackass.

Nothing quite as awesome as getting dropped off at the airport, kids and luggage in tow, only to discover your first flight has been delayed.  By two HOURS.  Of course, the OKC airport has a Sonic in the food court, so that easy access to my Diet Dr Pepper made the wait more tolerable.

Then Kellen discovered he left his summer reading book at home.  His plan was to read a chapter a day on vacation and journal about it (required for next year’s English class) so he immediately started blaming each of us in turn for intentionally taking the book, journal, and pen out of his bag  …. on purpose.  Nothing I said could convince him that keeping up with the six suitcases (and three children) I already had was work enough for me …. no way did I look for something extra and mean-spirited to do, like take his book.  In my ongoing effort to be SuperMom and save the day, I downloaded the book onto my Nook so he could continue his reading project through out the week, as planned, a chapter a day.

Would you like to know how many days he read on vacation?

None.

After having to change flights in Atlanta thanks to the earlier delay, and almost three (four?  five?) hours later than originally planned, we arrived at Reagan National Airport and made our way to our rental car.  Where it took me twenty minutes to figure out that the reason my fancy-schmancy new cell phone GPS wasn’t working was because I was parked in a concrete parking garage and couldn’t get a satellite signal.

Then took us another two hours to drive to our friends’ house in Bristow, thanks to 10:30 pm road construction on I495.  An entire hour to go two miles?  That, my friends, is craziness.  And gave me horrible flashbacks to driving Kendrie to and from her cancer treatment several times each week for two+ years ….. you Atlanta people know exactly what I’m talking about.  The ONLY saving grace is that all four of us had gone potty before we left.  Otherwise, things might have gotten ugly.

And with that, we arrived, late, tired, bedraggled …. but safe and sound, to begin our summer vacation.

Pictures and commentary to follow.

Brayden says:

Dad’s current occupation:  “Being in the Air Force”

His dream job would be:  “Flying a plane or baseball player”

What expression does he use — way too often?  “Well, he sleeps too much, for one.”

What’s the last thing you two did together?  “Heart to heart conversation”

What piece of clothing should he give away to Goodwill?  “Ties.  He has a lot.”

What’s the craziest thing you know that he’s ever done?  “I’m not sure”

How does he make you laugh?  “When we act silly.”

What is something he struggles with?  “Not being able to do all the things he wants to do.”

What is his greatest talent? “Singing, and being my best friend.”

If someone was meeting him at the airport, how would you describe him?  “Silent, and nice.”

How does he let you know that he cares about you?  “He tells me every day and he asks me questions about my day.”

Kellen says:

Dad’s current occupation is:  “A worker at Tinker AFB”

His dream job would be:  “A pilot”

What expression does he use — way too often?  “Hey, that’s cool, man.”

What’s the last thing you two did together?  “Weed eated.”

What piece of clothing should he give away to Goodwill?  “Shirt”

What’s the craziest thing you know that he’s ever done?  “He tried to have a snowball fight with me and Kendrie!”

How does he make you laugh?  “By humiliating himself”

What is something he struggles with?  “Swimming, going underwater.”

What is his greatest talent?  “Kindness and compassion”

If someone was meeting him at the airport, how would you describe him?  “Nice, short, good-hearted, glasses, white socks!”

How does he let you know that he cares about you?  “He takes me to get icees even when he doesn’t feel good.”

Kendrie says:

Dad’s current occupation is:  “Tinker AFB”

His dream job would be:  “A star man for space”

What expression does he use — way too often?  “DOGS!!!!”

What’s the last thing you two did together?  “Looked at the stars together.”

What piece of clothing should he give away to Goodwill?  “Some nice shirts”

What’s the craziest thing you know that he’s ever done?  “   ……”

How does he make you laugh?  “When he hiccups”

What is something he struggles with?  “Hearing — health wise.”

What is his greatest talent?  “His brains, he can find anything”

If someone was meeting him at an airport, how would you describe him?  “A little worried, but confident, also in a a rush.”

How does he let you know he cares about you?  “When I am scared, he is always there to calm me down, like by cuddling, talking, and more.”

Kristie says:

For the most part, I’d have to say the kids were right on the money, but there are a few answers that both confuse and amuse me. 

Brayden says his greatest talent is singing?  Really?  I’ve been married to the guy for 24 years and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sing.  Not once.

Although I do love that the most recent thing they did together was have a heart to heart conversation.  Brayden is at that age where some days, I think she is the smartest, funniest, most interesting, lovable girl around, and we mesh and get along and we really enjoy our time together.  Other days, I think she is the smartest, funniest, most interesting, lovable girl around, and she clearly thinks I am only here on earth to make her life miserable and she wants nothing to do with me.  So I’m glad to know on *those* days, she knows her Dad still has her back.

Kellen says the expression he uses too often is “Hey, that’s cool, man.”  I have never heard him say that in my life.  What are we, hippies in a 1970′s commune?  And I’m not quite sure how Blaine makes him laugh by humiliating himself … what does that even mean?  But I love that Kellen sees kindness and compassion as talents, and that he appreciates the icees!

I also agree with Kendrie that his greatest talent is that he can find anything.  Many a time I have chalked an item (book, phone, sunglasses, ipod, etc) up as lost, only to have Blaine track it down later …. typically, found someplace inane, like the back pocket of the pants I wore last week that got left in a gym bag in the garage accidentally stowed behind the lawn mower …. that type of thing.  And I think I should clarify, on her behalf, that Blaine’s dream job of “A star man for space” does not mean he wants to be an astronaut, or an astrologist …… but references his latest hobby, astronomy.  I bought him an entry-level telescope for Christmas, that he enjoyed much more than I thought he would.  He started subscribing to a few Astronomy magazines, and has really gotten into it.  For Father’s Day, he upgraded to a pretty serious (for home use, anyway) telescope, and he’s been enjoying it this past week.  I’m glad Kendrie enjoys it with him, because quite frankly, the entire concept of space and stars and planets bores me to tears.

It also made me laugh that not one of the kids understood the question “What piece of clothing should he give away to Goodwill?” ….. in other words, what is the rattiest piece of clothing he owns, that you would like to see him get rid of?  I guess maybe that question is better posed to the spouse …… although since I am also the one who does laundry, I can verify that once his t-shirts get *that* ratty, I just throw them in the trash.  Even Goodwill has standards.

And it also amused me that they also didn’t understand the concept of “if someone was meeting him at the airport, how would you describe him?”   They described his character traits, instead of his physical appearance.  Although Kellen’s answer, “white socks”, I found hysterical, because when I said to him …. “what do you mean, white socks?”  Kellen replied, “Mom, seriously.  NO ONE wears white socks anymore!!”

Happy Fathers Day, honey.  Hope you enjoy these photos and answers, as always, being recorded forever on my latest scrapbook page.  There is no escaping the truth of kids!

Kendrie, as we were leaving the public pool today:  “Mom, did you see that guy with the nipple earrings?!?!?”

Its a blatant cut and paste from a friend, but too funny not to share ….

*****************************************************

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a b*tch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just
saying…
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2011,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some
Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece
of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant