Quitters and cowards, I guess is what he meant.
I realize several of you have asked, and once again, poor Blaine and his cancer treatment have been pushed to the back burner in light of the other minor stuff (oh, like delivering a BABY) that has happened around here the past week or two. But he is indeed starting his next round of radiation tomorrow. He had all his repeat scans and MRIs, the “brain lab” did their magic with math and laser graphics and topography (?) maps and figuring out the best angles for treatment, and he had his radiation mask, which allows them to bolt his head to the table during treatment, made last week. So, prep work completed. For the final step, he and I met with his radiologist on Wednesday to discuss exactly what will happen, what should happen, what we can expect to possibly happen, and what might happen in both a best case and worst case scenario.
Clear as mud, no?
Since moving here, Blaine has worked with three different radiologists at this medical facility. All competent, of course, but isn’t it funny how the doctor who has the most positive outlook is the one you like best? The one we’re working with now is NOT that one.
He walked in the room and said, “Good news. Actually, two pieces of good news. One, after looking at the new scans, we realize the tumor is much more focused than I initially thought, so I’m very hopeful this treatment is going to be effective in treating it. Two, the tumor is located farther away from the optic nerve than we thought, so I don’t think Blaine’s vision is in as much jeopardy as we initially thought, either.”
Well, that’s good, because to be honest, the thought of him going blind wasn’t one we were real crazy about, and they had brought that up as a very real possibility at his last appointment. I know there are worse disabilities out there, and plenty of blind people manage just fine, but to be completely honest with you, blindness is super-high on my personal list of fears and anxieties.
But before I could even fully exhale my probably-not-blindness-sigh-of-relief, he started in with, “So let’s talk about all the things that could go wrong, because it’s only fair and right that I prepare you for all possibilities.”
Yeah, I get it. Just like how when you go to the doctor to have a splinter removed from your finger, you have to sign that release of treatment form that states you understand and accept that the risks of splinter removal could include irritation, infection, pain, fever, sepsis, gangrene, metal poisoning, loss of a finger, dismemberment, disfigurement, paralysis, or even death. I get it, I really do. But wouldn’t it be nice if just once, just one single time, a doctor could say things were going to be fine, with no issues?
OK, so maybe that’s asking for too much.
The bad news is the tumor is much larger than they first thought. This took us by surprise because we’ve always been told Blaine’s cancer is a very slow-growing type. So although the tumor isn’t spread around as far and as diffused as it could be (good news) the fact it is bigger than suspected means a bigger area will be hit with radiation, which means the potential for more problems down the road (bad news.)
A large portion of his jaw and jaw muscle could (possibly) have issues later, specifically, he could lose the ability to chew, swallow, and speak. But that’s worst case scenario, and hey, at least he’s not blind.
The temporal lobe of his brain could (possibly) have issues, resulting in memory loss and hearing loss. Since he’s already partly deaf from previous radiation, that’s not a huge change, and the doctor thinks the memory loss will be short term and will resolve itself, IF it happens at all. And hey, at least he’s not blind.
Increased pain will likely be an issue. That’s always fun.
As always with radiation, fatigue is likely, but that only lasts a short while and is manageable.
The tumor is near the carotid artery, and if it gets hit by radiation, it could (possibly) cause a weakened area. Here I quote the doctor: “Worst case, you could at some point in the future suffer a carotid aneurysm, but the good news about that is you would be dead instantly with no pain or suffering. You’d never know what hit you.” OK, thanks. That’s encouraging.
And at least he’s not blind …… right …… ???
When the doctor was finished delivering his message of cheer, he just sort of sat there and looked at us, awaiting our reaction. We asked a few questions, the primary one being about how all these possibilities are only MAYBE happening, right? None of this stuff is definite, right? There is a chance he could sail through radiation without any problems at all, right? And the doctor said he would be surprised if absolutely NOTHING happened, but that yes, it was a possibility. Then we asked how long before these potential issues show themselves? Answer, six months to two years.
Then Blaine sort of paused and said, “Well, it’s not like I have a choice, so I guess we start treatment on Monday.”
And the doctor said, “Oh, there is always a choice about whether or not to treat, but that choice is not one I can make for you. You would have to decide not to treat on your own. But yes, that is an option.”
And I was sitting in my chair, thinking to myself, “Wow, buddy, thanks for the words of encouragement.”
Blaine replied, “As long as I have a treatment option, I don’t feel as though I have a choice, so let’s go ahead and start on Monday.”
When the doctor left the exam room to schedule the first round, Blaine and I just looked at each other.
I’m so grateful I didn’t marry a quitter. Or a coward.
Now give us those flipping release of treatment forms to sign. But in the meantime, we’re still crossing our fingers that NONE of those things come to pass. Because if you’re going to wish, wish big, right?
31 Responses to Quitters and cowards, I guess is what he meant.
August 8th, 2010 saat: 9:38 PM
Wow…just Wow…You are right! He’s no quitter! Thank goodness! Best of luck and our prayers are with you (as they always have been)
August 8th, 2010 saat: 10:11 PM
Fingers crossed for best possible scenario! You and Blaine have been so brave!
August 8th, 2010 saat: 10:17 PM
I’m wishing big right along with you. Thoughts and prayers being sent your way.
Ann
August 8th, 2010 saat: 10:26 PM
Well. No wonder you cried at the radiologist’s. I saw that on Facebook and somehow didn’t think it was just hormones. In a perfect world, great intelligence (and hence the ability to become a high-tech doctor) would be paired hand in hand with empathy and great people skills. But obviously, this world isn’t perfect, and I am sorry that you got stuck with Mr. Sunshine. Praying that his abilities as a radiologist FAR outshine and outweigh his lack thereof as an encourager. And somehow, I’m not surprised that Blaine isn’t a wuss OR a quitter. He’s a warrior, as evidenced by his choice of career, and you’ve got a good man there, Kristie. Praying over here in Georgia…
August 8th, 2010 saat: 10:26 PM
Oh man…gotta love those “cheery” full disclosure doctor appointments. :-/
Continued prayer for you all as your very much not-a-quitter and not-a-coward husband begins yet another round in this battle.
August 8th, 2010 saat: 11:45 PM
Sending gigantic hugs and praying that tomorrow will be surprisingly easy!!!
‘Lucy’
August 8th, 2010 saat: 11:54 PM
Wow – what a ray of sunshine that doctor is! It’s all well and good to prepare you for possibilities, but man, you’re already dealing with some pretty sh***y news, so a positive outlook couldn’t hurt, could it?? We had the exact same thing with our daughter’s first oncologist (a totally old school guy), who even said “I’m being pessimistic” when he gave us her prognosis. Thankfully, all turned out well, and so far, no late side effects. But you’re right, it really does influence how you feel about the doctor, which probably has nothing to do with competency, etc., but it does make an unpleasant situation a little easier to deal with if you like the guy.
Anyways, all your friends, family and readers will be crossing their fingers with you, and hoping that none of those things come to pass. Here’s wishing Blaine an “event-free” treatment, a speedy recovery, and no more *#$@&* recurrences!
ps> Shouldn’t you guys be finished that crap sandwich that you were handed a few years ago? Shouldn’t you at least be on to ham and cheese by now?…?
August 9th, 2010 saat: 1:22 AM
I’ll pray like crazy…cuz like you said, if you’re going wish you might as well wish BIG. Blaine is one terrific guy…of course, his wife is pretty darn terrific too!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 6:00 AM
I know the doctors have to be honest but gosh, he sounds like he needs a refresher in bed side manners. I’m so happy that the blind issue isn’t an issue….that’s good news. Blaine sounds like a fighter and you’re his support. It’s so good that you have each other. I’ll keep praying for your family. (and that doctor)
August 9th, 2010 saat: 6:27 AM
I will pray with you for no side effects and this to finally be gone forever.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 6:38 AM
Keepine Blaine in my prayers. Praying that he has NO complications.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 7:45 AM
Ach, poor Blaine. I will be praying for the cancer to be healed and for no side effects. It sounds like you picked the best when you married Blaine, a tough guy to put up with all this crap, but one who adores his wife and kids. Oh, and he’s also smart, to marry you! How long does he have to do radiation? Know that a lot of people are praying for you guys as you go through this.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 8:06 AM
Pam said it, he’s a warrior. Blaine and your whole family will stay in my thoughts and prayers as always. I have no comprehension of how you guys handle the constant diet of crap sandwich. You are, in a word, amazing.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 8:38 AM
I will storm the Heavens with prayers for Blaine and, also, for your entire family.(a.k.a. “The non-quiting, un-cowardly Escoes”)
August 9th, 2010 saat: 8:43 AM
I’ve got my fingers crossed for you as well!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 9:11 AM
Kristi,
I love to read your blog I just hardly ever comment. I want you to know that Blaine and your family are in our prayers.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 9:21 AM
Wow, I guess that Dr. missed the compassionate bedside manner class in med school. It’s a good thing you guys have a positive attitude and great sense of humor. We’ll be praying for NO complications!!!
Gayle in AL
August 9th, 2010 saat: 9:53 AM
Fingers crossed!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 10:00 AM
My daughter’s first ENT was a real ass. I kept telling myself over and over that it was his skills that mattered.
I have my fingers and toes crossed for Blaine and the rest of your family.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 10:26 AM
I had a cardiologist who was equally negative and pessimistic, although the discussion wasn’t on the same level of seriousness.
She was gone from her practice for a while and when she came back, completely different person. Kind, loving, very positive and caring.
What happened? She got cancer and realized that her words and actions impacted her patients in more ways than she had known. She came to understand that a positive mindset is crucial to healing, and that she owed it to her patients to be supportive and encouraging.
I am sorry about Blaine’s radiologist, and I hope that he one day understands (without a serious illness, of course!) that he can have a big effect on his patients, either negatively or positively, and it is all in his hands.
I pray for Blaine and your family each night, Kristie.
Catherine – San Diego
August 9th, 2010 saat: 10:50 AM
Good luck Blaine with your latest crap sandwich entree. Humungo prayers of course from all of us here in Ohio. You are not, never have been, a quitter or a coward, neither has your wife. You guys have endured more in your lifetime than most people could ever imagine. You guys will get through this one too, I’m sure of it. Then you can flip Dr. Happy the big one when NONE of those “possibilities” happen.
Hang in there!!
Deborah
August 9th, 2010 saat: 12:15 PM
Wow! Just where is this Dr’s compassion? Just know that I will be praying for Blaine and the rest of you all too!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 12:45 PM
You’re in my thoughts. Fingers and toes are crossed that there are no horrible side effects. Hugs to you!!!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 1:47 PM
Kristie,
I have no idea how you guys deal with this. Hoping and praying for a real break and for just the tumor being effected, hopefully vanishing and all over tissue remaining as it should be. I can’t imagine the pain Blaine has to constantly go through, he really is a warrior. Good luck I’m sending all the good thoughts I can muster.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 4:43 PM
I am having a bad bout of tmj pain and it causes my anxiety issues to go completely out of control. I was laying in bed beside my husband the other night crying and whining about poor pitiful me and I told him about Blaine and how strong and awesome he was fighting this cancer and I can’t even handle tmj pain! So tell Blaine to be strong and courageous and I will be wuss enough for all of us!
August 9th, 2010 saat: 6:55 PM
I read all your blog posts but don’t comment. I just wanted you to know that you, Blaine, and your kids are in my thoughts.
August 9th, 2010 saat: 9:50 PM
Praying for you guys – Blaine has had more than his share of crap.
August 10th, 2010 saat: 12:28 AM
I understand the need for a doctor to educate someone on the risks. I don’t understand the need for a doctor to communicate in such a way that it intimidates a patient. Someone I know and love deals with a very aggressive form of cancer. He communicates risk- but is also able to infuse a sense of optimism and hope with his patients. Can he guarantee anything? Absolutely not. But he’s the first one to tell you that attitude matters. It does.
Your husband is an amazingly strong human being. Wouldn’t it be cool if a side effect of his radiation was a super secret superpower? But you guys already know he is a hero. Thinking of you.
August 10th, 2010 saat: 2:27 PM
Dearest Escoes, Even though we have never met and we live on very differing zones/longitudes/latitudes, I just want you to know we are praying for you all! I actually am teary right now and really ~ you didn’t marry a coward or a quitter! That is an awesome statement of Blaines character! You are a blessed woman to be married to a man like that! We will be praying for you both as you navigate through this time.
Blessings, Tammy in OH
August 11th, 2010 saat: 8:18 AM
Blaine is THE. MAN. He is no quitter. I had no idea this was going on RIGHT NOW!!!! I got my computer set up yesterday and caught up on your life. I’m a terrible friend…… sending positive thoughts your way – keeping you all in my prayers as always. Hugs to Blaine and chocolate to you! Love you guys….
August 15th, 2010 saat: 11:15 AM
You guys are amazing. Your bravery and strength humbles me, but I know you hate praise so I will stop. Blaine kick that crappy cancer arse once and forall! Your Dr sounds like a big willy, I guess he has to tell you the outside, outside worse that may happen, but geeze what happened to having a bed side manner?
P.s Taking 3 kids shopping for clothes and supplies a week or so after having ababy in high temperatures? Who are you super woman? yeah, I’ll shut up now.
Thinking of you all though.
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