Yeah, I thought so too, once upon a time
Most of my surrogacy story will not be shared, out of respect for the privacy of the baby’s family. Something happened today that made me laugh out loud, though, and I feel compelled to share, in a completely patronizing, condescending way.
The parents arrived last night in anticipation of our Monday due date ….. I’ve never gone into spontaneous labor before my due date before, but its good to know I can officially uncross my legs now and whatever happens, happens.
With any gestational surrogate delivery (remember, I am not biologically related to this child, so its not an adoption ….) there are certain legal matters that must be taken care of at the hospital — paternity affidavits, birth certificate details, room details, etc. In addition, I have never delivered a baby in OK, specifically at this hospital, so we figured we might as well take the tour of the hospital labor & delivery department at the same time.
So there we were this afternoon, me, the baby’s mother, father, and about eight other couples. No idea what anyone thought of the three of us …. polygamists? Unwed mother? Who knows? But we were walking around with one of the nurses, touring the facility, me primarily thinking they needed more public restrooms on that floor (shocker, I know.)
We got into an actual labor & delivery room, and the nurse was explaining what would happen once we arrived, were checked in, triaged, and made it to the room. Blood would be drawn, hep locks started, etc. Then she showed everyone the private bathrooms, complete with two-person “birthing tub” and the baby’s mom looked at me and whispered, “I sure hope you don’t plan on me getting in there with you …..” and of course, we laughed. Then the nurse was showing everyone the birthing balls, and bars, and all the other stuff for women who are much more into “natural” delivery than I am. I leaned over to my couple and whispered, “I don’t need any of that crap. Just give me my epidural when I show up and we’re good.”
Right on cue, the nurse asked the group at large, “For how many of you will this be your first delivery?”
Every single mother-to-be in the group, but me, raised her hand.
Then the nurse asked, “How many of you are planning to have an epidural?”
My lone hand shot up in the air.
All the other pregnant women just looked at me ….. like I was the world’s biggest wimp. **
I just laughed out loud and said, “Hey, I’ve done this before. Several times. And trust me, I’m getting the epidural.”
**FWIW, I have complete respect for med-free deliveries. *IF* that’s what you want, and *IF* your body delivers relatively quickly, and *IF* you have a high pain tolerance. It just so happens that NONE of those qualities apply to me. I have *NO* interest in delivering without, my body does *NOT* labor and deliver quickly, and I do *NOT* have a high pain tolerance.
But it still made me laugh, and I have to wonder what all the other pregnant women thought of the polygamist in the corner, the lone holdout for pain medication.
24 Responses to Yeah, I thought so too, once upon a time
July 28th, 2010 saat: 7:26 PM
During my birthing class there were several couples, who at the start of the morning planned on having a natural delivery. By the end of the day there weren’t any.
July 28th, 2010 saat: 9:29 PM
Kristie –
You definitely have a career as both a writer and humorist – your last couple of blogs have found me laughing out loud! Thanks for adding laughter into my life right now.
I hope the delivery of this baby will be your easiest yet!
Libby
July 28th, 2010 saat: 9:47 PM
Wish you could have a post-pregnancy group interview and see how many of those women actually made it without an epidural. I know I didn’t… ! Did the nurse ask how many children you had delivered?
July 28th, 2010 saat: 9:49 PM
With the first, I hadn’t really thought about meds, and being 1984 it was pretty popular to go “natural”. By the time I was ready for meds, they said it was too late. At least the emergency c-section meant that they finally just knocked me out. With the second one, as soon as they broke my water and a contraction hit me like a truck, I yelled “give me the drugs NOW”. I got Nubain, not an epidural. I still felt and remember the pain, but I just didn’t care! Thinking of you over the next few days.
July 28th, 2010 saat: 11:10 PM
When my husband and I toured our Hospital there was a trio sitting next to us. This particular class had us all introduce ourselves and they said the pregnant one was a surrogate. Everybody oohed and aaahed. And when it came time to ask about epidural, I was the only one in my class of 10 or so couples, too, because really…WHY? Why the F*** wouldn’t you? I ain’t no hero! (And frankly I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with twins who are both breech and I’d be happy to have an epidural for the remaining 2-1/2 weeks.) Hang in there!
July 29th, 2010 saat: 2:00 AM
When our younger daughter skipped into my third grade classroom after her first day of kindy, her face was just alight with happiness. This was our surprise child. Her brother and sister so much older. Believe me when I am saying so much older. Thought I was menopausal for three months, okay? Himself alternated between a really disgusting smile and furtive glimpses at our retirement fund.
Anyway, I asked her about the sappy smile that only a five-year-old girlie with her red hair braided and omg is that paste on her chin could have.
“This is so neat. Did you know that I won?”
“Won what?”
“Won having the oldest Mother in the whole kindergarten class!”
I would have shoved her in the trash can, but it was all the way across the room and my feet hurt.
The moral to this story is, epidurals are the gifts of all the gods.
I had never had one before the red-headed terror entered our lives. Natural baby all the way. But, because of my years (insert eyeroll here), it was highly recommended. Whoa. I loved it. I was not totally wiped out, the child was fine, and I was a fan.
Oh, and the Terror is now 26, married to a wonderful man for four months, and is CEO of her own marketing company and is doing quite well. Am not sure where I stand in the race for the oldest Mother of a marketing company CEO, and am not about to ask.
July 29th, 2010 saat: 5:48 AM
I have to kind of giggle, wondering what other fairy-tale expectations they have! Don’t get me wrong….some (perhaps “many”?) women do very well delivering without pain meds. Personally, I prefer to be anesthesized when having a tooth filled . . . or when having a human extracted from my body. Just sayin’.
July 29th, 2010 saat: 7:41 AM
I am still laughing now as I type this. I was sooo sure I wasn’t having an apidural that when I was admitted for induction I refused to sign the consent for one! That was 7pm, by 8am the next morning my lovnig husband had talked me into getting the epidural and I signed away. I did find out however that my pain tolerance is much higher during labor than at any other time in my life. The reason I couldn’t take it anymore was that I was having one long contraction. There were no peaks and valleys on the chart printing out that recorded my contractions, it was one giant peak!
July 29th, 2010 saat: 8:39 AM
I WISH I would have had an epidural….by the time I was wanting one, they said no because I had been in labor so long and that it would slow it down more, thus stressing the baby more. :( Needless to say, after almost 24 hours, we finally got our first baby….conehead and all! Now that baby is engaged to be married next summer and when she has children, I will definitely tell her to HAVE THE EPIDURAL!!!! Ha!
July 29th, 2010 saat: 9:02 AM
I never had painful labors, fortunately. It was the actual delivery that was rough. My first 2 got stuck and were in serious distress. Forceps and vacuums. Epidurals all the way!
My third, I started going into labor at 29 weeks and it kept going until I delivered at 38 1/2 weeks. She was my easiest delivery BY FAR and I *think* I could have done it without an epidural as she slid right on out. But I will never know. And she was my last!
July 29th, 2010 saat: 12:56 PM
I am just pregnant, like haven’t told the family yet pregnant, and I will gladly be in the “Say Yes to the Drugs” camp. First baby. 37 years old. I’m not as flexible as I used to be. Give me the drugs!
July 29th, 2010 saat: 4:24 PM
I’d have to have an epidural to be a polygamist, too :) Or at least a lot of crack.
July 29th, 2010 saat: 11:02 PM
I had all three of mine with that wonderful friend, Mr. Epidural. I’ll never apologize or feel guilty about it. The epidural took some of the time off of my labor because I would be able to relax and go with the labor pains once I had it, and things would move so much faster. I honestly don’t know how women do it without medication, but I have all the admiration in the world for them.
July 30th, 2010 saat: 1:35 AM
I love your post, Jadine!
July 30th, 2010 saat: 7:59 AM
Absolutely epi! Didn’t we always say Kristie, “Meet me in the parking lot with that epidural, and we’ll be fine.” Say yes to drugs!! Especially being a surrogate, you need to show some sort of strength for your couple, who is alternately freaked out and nervous and scared for you, and the pain their baby is causing you, an epidural just takes the edge off, helps me, helps the parents, all around good idea. It gave me a chance to take a nap for a little bit too. It wasn’t much fun with them all in the room “watching” me sleep, but I didn’t care. And I guarantee, those “med-free moms” will be SCREAMING for an epidural, sooner or later. They don’t know how awesome it is, that warmth that starts in your toes, goes up to your “mommy parts” then, aaaahhhhh. Sheer bliss. If epidurals were available on the street, I’d totally be on an episode of “Intervention” as an epi addict.
Good luck on your last few weeks of gestation! Then it’s tummy tuck time, right?? :)
July 30th, 2010 saat: 9:12 AM
epidurals are definitely a must. best wishes on the delivery.
July 30th, 2010 saat: 9:13 AM
Deb, tummy tuck, butt tuck, boob lift & reduction ….. you name it. If I can make it smaller, its happening. :) Kristie
July 31st, 2010 saat: 2:03 AM
If you get to do another pregnancy and you ever decide to go un-medicated- I would come be your doula! (wink, smile) In fact, I have had to fight asking if I could come up for the birth!!
I am a wimp-(Did you see me last Friday?) but would do another un-medicated birth in a heartbeat. BUT- not unplanned. I think it would be horrible to think and plan on having meds, and then not be able to have them.
Good luck! I can’t wait to hear about families excitement of meeting their daughter!
July 31st, 2010 saat: 8:42 AM
I had all 4 of mine med free…..only because the small hospital I delivered in didn’t even offer them…(at least that is what the damn dr said) I can only assume by now you have safely delivered and everyone is on cloud 9!
July 31st, 2010 saat: 9:40 AM
You know, while I was working in OB, most of the women who didn’t want the epidural ended up getting it in the end ;) Actually, it’s kind of a running gag on the OB floor… As for me, I am SO calling the anesthesiologist from home when I get in labor. Thinking about it, I may have the catheter placed at 36 weeks just to make sure… haha ;)
July 31st, 2010 saat: 9:58 PM
I would have had both hands in the air.
Story about my friend….When she was in the hospital having her second child, she told her husband his only job was to get the person in charge of the epidural in there as fast as possible. When the first hospital staffer entered the room, her husband ran over and started giving details and information and insisting they were ready for the epidural immediately and could the person hurry and do their job so his wife wouldn’t feel any pain. And on and on, my wife wants the epidural right now, blah blah blah. And the hospital staffer replied, “I’m just here to drop off a new roll of toilet paper.” Makes me laugh every time.
August 2nd, 2010 saat: 3:42 PM
I am just back from work today after maternity leave, and my six week old bundle of joy (my second) arrived a month early. After “caving” at 8cm with my first son and getting an epi (that didn’t work), then delivering less than an hour later, I decided I wanted to try natural again this time around. I made it to 6cm, but when the nurse suggested I turn on my side because I wasn’t progressing, the pain was so excruciating, I told my husband I just couldn’t do it. Why suffer when you don’t have to? The epi was DELICIOUS. It worked perfectly this time, and I told Hubby that IF we ever had another (Ha, Ha), I’d get it right off the bat. Of course, I also delivered less than an hour after this epi, too… Just call me a wimp with bad timing!
August 5th, 2010 saat: 6:02 PM
LOL this is one of your best posts ever. I had epis with all of my deliveries and all but the first were great experiences.
But I really had to laugh at what the others were thinking. I was a gestational carrier last year and my family is local so both mom and dad came to every doctor’s appointment. We used to joke that we were Melissa Etheridge, David Crosby and whoever Melissa’s wife is. I did almost all of my appointments solo for my own kids so this was like having an entourage along – every appointment was like a little party!
Congratulations to the parents on their little one and to you for doing such an awesome thing again. I hope your transition back to normal life (normal for your family, anyway LOL) is a smooth one and a lot more sweet than bitter.
August 7th, 2010 saat: 10:18 AM
My first labour was days – no kidding… Had a midwife, and went med-free for a lot of it before it was time for that damn epi!!! Bliss, heaven, amazing grace, angels singing!
Due any day with my second, and my “plan” is to see how it goes. Gearing up for a natural birth, with full permission to up the ante, thank-yuo-very-much. I figure that I should at least give this one a chance since my mom had a 32hr labour with me, but only 7 with my little sister. You never know.
Leave a Reply